A Pause in the Dark

the-long-dark-of-moria

The long dark.

I know too many shattered people right now. After the initial anger of the Election passed into frantic holidays, the hangover of a New Year, and now through the long dark of winter, there don’t seem many reasons left to get out of bed. Unless the compulsion of work or family drives forced actions performed without joy. Helplessness, fear and exhaustion reign as the emotions of the moment. Locked inside from the cold and weather, the natural cycles of day and night cease. Just a gruesome slog through the dark.

And this is OK. These are precisely the emotions you should be feeling right now. Our feelings do have purpose.That is why we have them. And while we’ve been raised to deny our hearts’ cries for attention, don’t. Feel it. Feel all of it. Just let it wash over you, and then stop.

I don’t mean stop feeling how you feel. I mean PAUSE. The world will last without you for a moment. So pause. Don’t think. Don’t reflect. Don’t judge. Just be still enough for whatever amount of time you can gift to yourself. Shut out everything else.Your mind, heart, soul and body ARE EXHAUSTED. Aren’t they? So pause. Develop a sudden and terrible illness. Text the world your grandmother is on fire. Make your status “Dropped phone in toilet.” Then do it for real. You cut people breaks, time to carve one out for yourself by whatever means necessary.

If you can achieve “pause” for five minutes or five days: take it. You absolutely, without doubt or question or self-recrimination need to. Right now. And this is why: across the yawning abyss you see before you now, there is life. Your single, precious life. And all of the signal and unique lives of those you love and who truly love you. Everything you still love and hate and fear are there as well. But you can’t face any of it until you can cross that chasm in your heart.

You have lost something. Your guide, your bearings, your sense of the world, your comfort, your joy and righteous anger, your laughter, your silliness, your sense of your own strength and voice. You’ll find them again. But you’ll never be the same. You’ll be stronger, sharper, and bear with you forever the hard and unblinking brightness that you have earned. Your secret, sacred  fire will blaze forth from your eyes and heart, your words and deeds will kindle the fire of fellow travellers through the long dark; warm the comfortless, and sear your foes with its wroth.

But, just now, pause. Let the darkness wash over you. It will pass. The days grow longer by seconds that become hours. And on one of those days, you may stay in your clothes longer than your pj’s. Maybe not on the first day. Don’t force it to happen. It just will. You know it will. Just allow yourself this time to process all that has passed. Only then will you be able to face what is come. Pause.

If any women are interested in this post or my previous, please consider joining a new Facebook Group: Women’s Community for Psychological Strength and Support. This is a closed group, so please contact me via Messenger to be added. 

Check out my Instagram! There are pictures of things I like and hate! 😊

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About JLakis

Jessica Lakis - Writer/screenwriter. Conqueror of the Useless. Super nerd. Vae Victus. View all posts by JLakis

2 responses to “A Pause in the Dark

  • Joan Lumsford

    I do enjoy following your posts and would like to join your efforts to voice an opinion. As an old hippie and protester from the sixties, I have learned to take it as it comes and be organized to speak up and act up. Count me in.

    Liked by 1 person

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