“Good morning, my beautiful son, I miss you and love you. Dad.”

That is the text message that Joe Biden sent to Hunter Biden the morning after Hunter had sent him messages expressing his feelings of confusion, guilt and shame. Hunter was in recovery at the time and was overwhelmed. He felt he was hurting his Dad’s political chances. He felt like a loser. And he’d lived the worst part of his life under the pitiless eye of journalists, politicians and social media. He felt ashamed, lost and alone. And he told his Dad.

“I love you,” was the message he received back from his father. It’s beautiful in anyone, but especially in such a high profile politician, to see unconditional love expressed so simply and perfectly. It’s the one thing any child wants to hear, whether they spilled juice, got a bad grade, did something young and dumb, or smoked crack in a Motel 6 with sex workers.

But, more than Joe Biden’s response to Hunter, what’s truly telling is that Hunter felt safe and comfortable expressing those feelings to his Dad to begin with. That speaks to a long cultivated relationship based on love, and not on judgement, fault finding, dismissal or ignoring.

Hunter Biden is having a beautiful moment. He earned it, poor man. But the guy who was key to getting him to this moment of honesty and joy without guilt was Joe. “Dad.”

Until at least 16, we depend on the adults in our lives for everything. We can’t survive, or thrive, in the world without adults. But the need for that intangible type of support from our parents — the feeling that we matter, our feelings matter, and that we are safe to express ourselves, ie. Love — that never leaves us. No matter how old we get, we want to know that someone, somewhere will see our pained texts, and respond with “I love you.”

The ways for a parent to harm, abuse or neglect a child or adult child are endless. But there is only one thing a parent can do to help a child, and that is love them without conditions. A child who is belittled, mocked, dismissed, nitpicked, subjected to angry outbursts or simply ignored will not feel comfortable telling their parents about their troubles, whatever they are. From the bully at school to dating to smoking crack (or rape, intimate partner abuse, and on and on), all a child really wants is to know that they can tell their parents, and have them respond with “I love you.”

Without that love, a child learns to shove their emotions down, not to speak about their problems, and, worst of all, they learn that they are alone in this world. And once you feel alone in the world and that no one cares for you, why not smoke crack? Why not live with someone who beats you up mentally or physically? No one cares. You don’t matter. You’re exaggerating. And it’s probably your fault anyway.

I mentioned Hunter Biden’s new found freedom and joy in his life. He works on his art, which is lovely and tells you a lot about the man, he speaks his mind and he can laugh at himself and the crazy things he did. He would not be able to enjoy his life without that “I love you. Dad.”

The unloved child learns that their joy is not merely superfluous or unimportant, it is wrong. Did you get a B? You should have gotten an A. Does taking a bath make you feel better? You should be fixing your resume. Did you take a day off just to rest? You should be working, preferably long hours at a difficult job you despise. Did you play a video game? You should do something productive. Did you get a dog? You should have saved your money.

There are a lot of “shoulds” and “if you justs” for the unloved child. If you just tried harder, did what I said, not done that thing twenty years ago that you can’t change. A child treated that way learns to wear a mask of perfection or at least of “being OK” when they’re not because if that mask slips for an instant, there will be punishment. And there’s nothing that deserves more punishment than speaking your mind, telling your story and enjoying your life.

In 2018, as Joe Biden geared up for his bid for the presidency, Hunter was hitting bottom. Here is the voicemail that Joe sent to his son.

“It’s Dad. I called to tell you I love you. I love you more than the whole world, pal. You gotta get some help. I don’t know what to do, I know you don’t either. But I am here no matter what you need. No matter what you need, I love you.”

Joe is patient. Joe is kind. Joe is not self-seeking or easily angered. He does not keep a record of wrongs. He rejoices in the truth. And he protects, always trusts, always hopes. When he thinks of his only remaining son, he sees the beautiful, perfect child he helped bring into this world. And that has made all the difference for Hunter.

And Joe Biden’s unconditional love for his son Hunter has revealed to us all the beautiful human being that he always saw in his son.

Whether you never had that in your life, or the people who showed you that love are passed on, always remember that you are worthy and deserving of love.  Start now, you legend. Uncle Joe would have it no other way.

Namaste,

J.Lakis

✌🏻❤️🌅💐❤️‍🩹

If you or anyone you know has experienced sexual violence please contact RAIIN, for Domestic Violence in the US contact The Hotline. Both are available 24/7 by phone or chat in English and Spanish.