“Won’t somebody stop me from thinking, from thinking all the time? About everything. Oh, somebody, from thinking all the time. So deeply, so bleakly, so bleakly all the time. About everything (Who I am, how I am, why I am? Somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody?!).”

That’s how Morrissey desperately croons his way out of the half-ironic, pub anthemesque tune Our Frank. Those lyrics have always resonated for me.

We can’t actually stop thinking. But we can slow our brain roll and learn not to cross to the Dark Side of anxiety, fear, depression and the other horrors we inflict upon ourselves with our own minds. Personally, I am nearly phobic of falling asleep because when I wake up it’ll be tomorrow morning. There are a lot of things to do tomorrow! At night I can at least overthink without the expectation of actually doing anything.

Lucky for me, one of the things I think about is finding ways to not think so much that don’t involve destroying my life. And, I’m sorry for what I’m about to say, but the answer I came up with is what is usually called “mindfulness.”

But wait! The techniques of mindfulness help keep me out of the dark thought holes — the anxiety, depression and  overwhelm — and help keep me calm. And, honestly, simply staying calm solves a lot of life’s problems. I don’t have to immediately react to everything. And if I do go to the bad place, I am better able to pull myself out.

Also, “mindfulness” can look like a lot of things depending on the individual, but for me it all comes down to getting that energy out of the chatter brain and into something that soothes the body. And the three tools I use are breath, movement and letting go.

Breath is the most basic. The fact that it is essential, under our control and always present (🤞🏼) makes breathing the best tool. Did everyone learn Box Breathing (or 4, 4 breathing) during the Pandemic for some reason? I remember someone on the news suggesting it. It’s the practice of inhaling to a count of four, holding for a count of four, exhaling for four, holding for four and repeating for a set amount of time. Some folks imagine a bead moving along the sides of a square. I usually imagine my lungs breathing and feel my rib cage expand and contract against my skin.

Box breathing is a staple because it involves counting, the senses and deep, rhythmic, steady breaths. We know that taking a breather is helpful. Deep breaths, right? But if we add some counting, something to remember to do (inhale, exhale, hold), our imagination and senses, our breather just became a powerful way to focus and get in some deep, soothing breath.

There are other breathing exercises (breathwork or pranayam) and they all have different effects. Some breathing exercises are energizing and some are relaxing. If you don’t like holding your breath, there are exercises that don’t involve the holds. There is even a breathing technique to stop hyperventilating. My 96 year old Grandmom learned some breathing to use if she feels her heart rate go up and becomes afraid of a heart attack. And she says it helps.

Breathing makes your heart calm and happy. It’s getting nice, fresh oxygenated blood while pumping regularly. Then the rest of the body responds, “Oh yes! Oxygen. We need that to live. Thanks heart!” When our body is happy, it’s hard for the brain not to follow. Or at least achieve calm.

As for movement, I have significant issues there. Someone named me the Fainting Goat because I fall for no reason. But when I was a kid, I was great at the balance beam. I even did the flippy stuff. Movement is medicine.

Nowadays I’m into yoga. It feels really good to be able to hold or flow through postures that require balance and control of my body. There’s a lot to pay attention to even when I’m in child’s pose or a forward fold. The main thing to be mindful of is my breath. Breathing is the key to yoga.

But the movement also helps keep my brain on track. Moving through a pose or flow is a practice, a specific sequence of things that have to happen, that I need to remember and do. Meanwhile I am getting the benefits of getting the blood moving, while redirecting and using up some of that energy that was stuck in my head.

It’s liberating. I can recapture some of that feeling from when I was a kid on the balance beam. I’m motivated to not injure myself, I feel flush with good energy and my mind is out of yapping mode.

Now the last part is more challenging. The letting go part. What I mean by that is detaching from and not following my thoughts. I practice not chasing after branching story lines that will never happen, and simply acknowledge that I am having thoughts as they pop up. It’s like saying, “Pardon me” after burping. I’m just like, “Oh, there’s one. And another. And that one looks like a whale!” And then I let them pass, or let them sit on the shelf for later.

Yes, I am talking about meditation. I know that you are thinking, and I know what. “Every time I sit down to meditate my brain takes off at a mile a minute.” Not really. Our brains are always doing that, but it’s only when we sit still for a moment and tune in that we realize exactly how much is going on in there.

The trick of meditation is that you have something you pay attention to (an anchor). Then simply let the thoughts and feels be, while you return your attention to your anchor for as long as you intended.

Obviously the breath is an anchor that’s always there. You can focus on the feeling and quality of the air. Or I like to visualize my breath running up and down my spine, out my bottom to the center of the Earth and then up to the sky in a beautiful plum line. Sometimes I imagine stress or other heavy feelings dripping off me as I breathe in a beautiful light. Or maybe I imagine myself inside of a protective, glowing cocoon, where it’s safe to experience my thoughts and feelings.

There are guided meditations, meditations done lying down and sitting up. There are walking meditations. And meditation can range from focusing on a pleasant sensation, an image or imagining being somewhere beautiful and comforting, while really tuning into how the place feels. Smells? Are there colors? Sounds?

Just don’t follow the thoughts! They’re there. They’re going to be there. Let them go. The more we let go of the better because the brain definitely has more coming down the pipe.

The key to these techniques working is that I practice them regularly. I have breathing exercises I do several times a day. My meditation app has me about twenty days away from 365 continuous days of practice. Cursed be the hand that tries to stay me from getting that streak badge!

My yoga is close to daily now, even if I just do something quick and small. Every little bit helps. Same goes for meditation and breathing practice. It only takes a little, but that little has to be practiced consistently.

I am getting better at keeping myself calm and unstuck from my brain’s old, worn out paths. But also, when stuff hits the fan, I have ways to cope and recover. I’ve learned a lot about myself simply by watching my brain do its thing. I also know how I feel when I practice different types of yoga. I know what calms me down, what lifts me up and what’s going to take all I got to get through to empty myself out completely while doing something kind of impressive for ¿¡#!? years old.

Mainly, I feel calmer and safer. I know I have my breath with me always. It’s like having your rescue inhaler, blankie, squishmallow, stuffy and/or chapstick with you at all times. I feel safer knowing how to use my breath if I need to.

Now, it doesn’t always work. I still have anxiety and panic attacks, overwhelm. I’m not trying to make a sale here. People spend their entire lives practicing mediation, yoga, whatever. I’ve got two semesters of yoga in college (mandatory performing arts credits), the Pandemic, the internet and some books. I do my best. Sometimes the brain train derails, but it is a lot easier to recover from those moments now. Maybe they’re happening less. I like to think so.

Another benefit is what I’m doing now. I sat down to write, now I step away from this practice and do some yoga. Then I make some tea and come back to edit and make a header image. Then I schedule to publish to all the things. This practice gets easier, too.

So whaddya say? I know you’re an overthinking legend, but are you legendary enough to square up to your own thoughts? That is the question. Alas for Morrissey, we don’t stop thinking until we stop breathing. But I follow the philosopher known as Dory, only my song is “Just keep breathing! Just keep breathing! Breathing! Breathing!” Do you have practices that help keep you calm? Let me know! And:

Namasté you living, thinking, breathing legend,

J.Lakis

✌🏼🧘🏻🧠😎❤️‍🩹🤟🏼

If you’re considering suicide, self harm or have a mental health crisis: call or text 988 any time to talk or text with someone from the National Suicide Prevention and Crisis Hotline. Help is always available in English or Spanish. LGBTQ+ youth in crisis? Contact:  The Trevor Project.

If you or anyone you know has experienced sexual violence please contact RAIIN, for Domestic Violence in the US contact The Hotline. Both are available 24/7 by phone or chat in English and Spanish.

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