Tag Archives: Trump

November 22, 2019

Hitler Hates Being Compared to Trump: Top Ten Other Bad Guys to Use Instead of Hitler

By JLakis

People often ask why I keep re-reading William L. Shirer’s The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich. While others ask, “What good is a BFA in Film?” Well, here’s all your questions answered. I’ve had this footage from the film Downfall for a bit. I am not attempting to glorify Adolf Hitler. But instead to insist that calling everyone Hitler cheapens the evil this man wrought.

Both monstrous human beings and products of our imagination lie scattered throughout our species’ dodgy history to choose from when insulting Donald Trump, Bill Barr, random folks online, or your parents and Chemistry teachers. I recommend that all my friends take the time to look into my list of ten other really awful folks and characters you may consider using next time you feel that urge to toss a “Yes, mien Fuehrer,” at whoever mildly annoys you. “Heavy words are so lightly thrown.”

  1. Darth Vader: He wanted to rule the Galaxy, but was just a wormy dude in a mask. Death bed confession aside, I find Vader a go to for lawful evil, and imperialist intentions. Although I really sweat that Force Choke power. He is the ultimate embodiment of the man who has accepted his mask (persona) and role as a cog in the machine of evil that he himself has become, in the words of Obi-wan Kenobi, “more machine now than man.” He did kill the Emperor, until JJ Abrams resurrected him because JJ.
  2. JJ Abrams: Unquestionably awesome for his ability to establish both the main characters, themes, and mystery of “The Island” in the two-part “Pilot” of the series Lost. And in The Force Awakens. He has sinned against all Star Trek fans, recasting Kirk as an ne’er do well who somehow gains control of the Starfleet flagship Enterprise, destroying the Id, Ego, Super Ego relationship between Bones, Kirk, and Spock, and forcing Trek fans to accept action and special effects over the Trek brand of intelligent speculative fiction that reflects on modern issues. Good God man! It’s Trek not Star Wars! He is also the man known for complicated alternate timelines, disappointing endings, and Spock shouting “Khaaaaan!”
  3. Julius Caesar: He waged a savage campaign against the people of Gaul. And, while we all love his pithy, intelligent wit, and obvious charisma. He was a mass-murderer who waged illegal wars full of appalling inhumanity. He needed to stay in power to avoid prosecution for his many crimes. Instead he was stabbed by his “friends” at the feet of the statue of his old frenemy, Pompey Magnus.
  4. Brutus: The betrayer! The friend and “son he never had…or did he?” that literally stabbed Julius Caesar in the back. Brutus was looking to protect the rich Senatorial class, not the freedom of the Roman Republic or its citizens. His actions led to a vicious 10 year civil war that ended the Republic and ushered in the age of the Emperors.
  5. Napoleon: Don’t give this Corsican the, uh, short shrift! This former nobody rose through the ranks of the new French Republican Army, and then destroyed the Republic he fought for by naming, and crowning, himself Emperor. His successful quest for a way to preserve food aside, this guy began as a liberator, but ended up a conqueror and died alone on a rock.
  6. Al Capone: This repulsive individual wrote the book on organized crime. He ruled Chicago through terror, while little caring whether the booze he peddled made his desperately dry customers blind or dead. His code of Omerta (Silence), and demands for absolute loyalty from his “soldiers,” complete disregard for human life, money grubbing, and addiction to his own press lead to his ultimate downfall for, wait for it, tax evasion! And every Italian-American since has had to live under the shadow of this creep. Thankfully, he died a slow and horrible death due to syphilis!
  7. Pontius Pilate: Roman governor of Judea, played by David Bowie and Michael Palin equally well. His infamous “washing of his hands” of any involvement in the fate of Jesus of Nazareth, ranks him as the very first Quisling, and epitomizes the “eh, whatever” attitude of those who can’t be bothered to care.
  8. Vidkun Quisling: This Norwegian army officer’s name has become synonymous with “collaborator” and “traitor.” Nominally head of the Norwegian government during WWII, this particular jag-off was a Nazi plant and stooge, who helped jack boot out the legitimate government of Norway, and sold the nation and its people down the river to his Nazi overlords in Germany.
  9. Ahab: The first PTSD sufferer in literature. An undeniably great yet tragic man, who, unlike MacBeth or Oedipus, does not suffer from an inborn flaw, but instead suffers the results of a trauma. This fictional captain commanded the whaling ship Pequod. With a crew comprised of all faiths and races of Earth, he manages to unite the souls in his charge in his deadly personal quest for vengeance against a silent, monolithic beast of the unknown watery realms. Sending all, save one, to their death in his rage against what he perceives as the silence of an uncaring God.
  10. Jaws: The greatest terrorist. Yo. Jaws don’t give a fuck. Pretty young girl, a Chocolate Lab, kid on a raft, your wife’s holiday roast, awesome hung-over Irish actor? Jaws don’t give a fuck. Jaws is senseless evil. He embodies the power of nature and our animal impulses unleashed. He comes from the alien world beneath the water, the monster from the deep. The monster deep within ourselves, who will wreak havoc on human life if left unchecked. It takes Chief Brody — Ego — and Richard Dreyfuss — Super-ego — and the raging Id of Captain Quint to slay the beast and restore order and health to life. Both ancient and eternal, we all fear Jaws because Jaws is the ultimate unknowable. Jaws reminds us that monster within is always just lurking beneath the surface.

So, that’s my list of suggestions of other horribles, deplorables, and monsters to cite instead of Hitler. Let me know what you think of the video and my list! What would your list be? Tell me who or what nightmare fuel you’d add or remove in the comments below. And, remember, humanity has a deep bullpen when it comes to evil, both past and present. Heck, I didn’t even mention Stalin!

*First one to find the Easter Eggs in the video wins.

#neverforget

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July 24, 2019

You Need to Calm Down: Dear all of US,

By JLakis
It looks awesome. You just need to calm down.

I’ve become a huge T. Swift fan. That’s a lie, obviously. She isn’t from England and/or Ireland. But the fact is that I was on my way to therapy, concerned that the driver was a bit late. When this song came on. It topped the hour of the driver’s station. Suddenly, and to my continued surprise, I found myself listening to the song on the radio. I had an idea that it was Taylor Swift only from reading about her lyrics, and sure ’nuff.

If you live under a rock like me, then enjoy the song and video here.

OK. So obviously this is about a certain Individual, we’ll call him Individual #1. The video added a colorful depiction of all sorts of folks doing their thing and just being happy. And the end has a pro-LGBTQ rights message. It was fun. I hadn’t seen the video before. But I’d seen headlines, the pictures of the dress and knew that there was some controversy over the entire thing.

So. Then my brain shattered as I had a terrific brainstorm in the back of the Uber. Everybody. You need to calm down. I need to calm down. So do you. And your mother. And your cousin Frank. (No offense, Frank. You’re calm.) Even the song and the dress became a big deal between pro and anti-gay and LGBTQ rights groups, and some simply criticized her for cashing in on Pride Month.

Let me tell you something. You need to calm down. It’s a damn pop song. And artists want to make money, LGBTQ or not. I couldn’t rock that dress, but she can. It’s cool. So you need to calm down. But so do I. I just gave several minutes of my life to typing the above sentences.

Enter the need to make more of an effort at being calm and doing your thing, despite the haters. Yes, The Hater in Chief, but also all of them. And quit hating on others and yourself. Just, calm down.

It may seem silly, but I found it cathartic to hear this woman slice into Individual #1 without apologies. And if that upsets you, then you need to calm down.

Wistfully pining for the death of Prime Minister Thatcher in Margaret on the Guillotine, by Morrissey happened. Biggie wrote a song in which he brags about robbing “pregnant bitches.” Um, John Lennon posed naked with his wife in bed. You realize that’s how they get attention right? Courting controversy. Famous people like attention.

Anyhow, this tune is dead basic pop. But its spirit and message is the response to the world and life that I have been searching for. I did anger, and depression, and I’m just over who said what on social media today. Blah, blah, blah. Life has become The Walking Dead, and someone needs to stab it in the brain. It just became too awful, too convoluted, too unbelievable, and just too painful to sit through any longer. It needs to stop.

Or I need to change the channel. I need to calm down. I’m just going to stay chill and focused on me, while you do your thing, and we’ll see how this turns out. It’s like feeding Tribbles. The more you feed a relationship tribble, the worse you’ll look and feel when all that tribble drama comes tumbling down on your head. When I am thinking about the Picard trailer, the more likely I’ll compare relationships to tribbles. See?

We all know the rainbow, glitter, star-studded video — or the rainbow dress — reflects nothing in reality. No one’s experience of life is that simple. If I could just calm down, I wouldn’t still require therapy or medication to help me work through and/on myself. But there is a nifty, gestalt, zen, Bob Newhart about “You need to calm down.”

We’re all like the guy in the joke who beats his head against a wall because it feels so good when he stops. We need to calm down. And, it is a wise-assed swipe at people who don’t help. Because, on top of the horrifying absurdity of life, do we need unhelpful people? They need to calm down or be out of my life.

The magnificent American, Carl Sandburg declared in his epic poem The People, Yes. “Sometime they’ll give a war and nobody will come.” I don’t know if that day will ever arrive, but these days, everyone is enraged and looking for a Casus Belli. And when you look for trouble, or violence, or war you usually find it.

Why go looking in the first place? Do you wear orange to a bar named Tir Na Nog on St. Patrick’s Day? And yet we have actual citizens calling for the deaths of — or actually have killed — other citizens. Over what? You need to calm down. Now. Nobody should die or be hurt or commit suicide because you can’t control yourself. Because you need that much attention. I don’t have it for you anymore.

There are those who will misread everything I wrote above as an attack. Like tile yields in a strategy game, they see the world through lenses of interest. I can’t help that. But I can stop seeing the world through their eyes. Let me show you the world through my eyes! I could worry about what my abusive ex is up to. I could communicate with him. But I’m not gonna. I don’t care. So, you know what? I got 99 problems, but that guy ain’t one. I need to calm down, and he wouldn’t help.

So, yeah, that’s the tale of my Taylor Swift related revelation in the back of an Uber. ” You need to calm down.” We all need to calm down. Down the line. Et al. Every single one of US. Because if we are all miserable in our private or personal lives, we’ll continue to cross new Rubicons on the social front. And the public strife works to make us terrible/miserable human beings. We cannot sustain relationships in this way, nor can we reestablish our nearly broken public trust in government and laws and morals. I promise to calm down if you do. You know, give peace a chance. 😉

✌💚🖖

-J.Lakis

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February 26, 2018

Mueller, Midterms & Other Bedtime Stories

By JLakis

superman doing shots

This has been my favorite gif for about a year or so now. Superman in a bar doing shot after shot after shot of Johnny Walker. Superman was developed by two Jewish brothers, and was the first cartoon of its kind. He’s a super-hero. He fought Nazis and the KKK, saved kittens from trees, and stood for Truth, Justice and the American Way. Superman may have been an alien, but he cared for human beings. But he’s currently getting wasted. And I feel ya Supes.

Superman will always be the guy we hope will swoop from the skies and save us, and save us from ourselves. And to every liberal, progressive, and Democrat out there, we have collectively passed his cape on to Robert Mueller. He took down Gotti and Enron. He will save us.

And then we’ll flip the Congress in the Midterms! Then we’ll get ’em all, take down the Russians and everyone even near to Trump. And it all ends with a Biden/Romney ticket. President Warren, Oprah or Hillary, or maybe….Michelle!

Yep. The system that has fucked us for 241 years will just suddenly work for the people! And everyone in the country will rejoice. We’ll get gun reform, and repeal that horrid tax plan, and fix the National Parks, and run everything on solar, wind, or whatever Elon Musk decides. No one will lose benefits, and all of the petty and cruel GOP and Trumpian ideas will be erased.

That’s the story, as far as everyone I know, keeps telling me. But, like the young people in Florida who survived the attack on their school: I’m calling BS.

Nothing is that simple. We’ve had a school shooting every 2.5 days since January 1, 2018. That’s 1 7 school shootings in 45 or so days. I didn’t hear about all of them. Congress does nothing but cash those NRA checks, while the students take it into their own hands. And deplorable despicables argue the idea of armed teachers and prison schools. Drink up Supes!

I’ve always heard, “Americans are a fair people. They want a fair deal.” Oh yeah? How fair were we to the Native Peoples we encountered here? How fair to the human being bought and sold as a work animal? How fair to women and immigrants? How fair was it to buy cheap land off Napoleon so he could fund his conquest of Europe? How fair to save the Nazi who made Hitler’s rockets from prosecution to help us get to space before the Soviets? How fair to drop nuclear bombs on on civilians so we’d beat the Soviets to Japan? Do one for me Supes.

We live in a nation built on, and perpetually helped by, on lies. And the one President who did save our Nation through our Civil War? One super man who was not bullet-proof.

So, my dearest, darlingest fellow libtards, what makes you think getting rid of Trump will just go off without a hitch? And the system that fucks us and keeps us poor and ignorant will work? It’s laughable. And yes, more and more people are speaking out like the students in Florida. PA is no longer Gerrymandered. These are all positive. But it’s not going to be some Coke commercial in which we all hold hands and sing. Nixon bungled a stupid burglary, and look at that insanity! How can we expect an investigation of top officials in our government working with the world’s enemy, Putin, to just happen with no ill repercussions for all of us?

I’m confounded. Think being white and middle class will save you? That it’s white folks getting shot, impoverished, under-educated, and dying of heroin that the halls of government cares about? Don’t you get it? We’re all niggers now. And your children? Canon fodder. Ready to slap them with the burden with a life-time strapped with student debt? Or gamble you’ll have good health until 83? Let people you know who rely on public services get squeezed and squeezed until our lives are spent in grinding poverty with no hope of escape? Concerned about the environment, get in line between the LGBTQ community and women.

And what if the protests turn into civil unrest? Are you willing to give a drop of your blood or your children’s for this despicable nation? I’m not.

I feel like Cassandra, or worse. Seneca serving Nero. No wonder he was into Stoicism. Maybe you either get it or you don’t, but perhaps I can’t explain it to you. I’ve tried. And I’ll continue to try. Albert Einstein happened to be out of Germany when Hitler was elected Chancellor in 1933. Einstein saw the writing on the wall and never returned. Just be smart like Einstein, and quit drinking the nerves away with your Super-Mueller mythos. And I will hope that I am wrong.

“The past ain’t what it used to be.” – (not) Yogi Berra

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