Hey! This post is going to suck. I’m really tired. I am so tired that I spent Tuesday night through Thursday morning mainly sleeping. I don’t know why I’m so tired. Maybe it’s Spring.

Spring is hard. Especially early Spring. Suddenly there’s all this sun. I miss my cozy, dark insomniac world. It’s quiet. And I don’t expect myself to do too much at night. Now there’s more daytime than dark, it’s getting noisy, there’s some expectation that I should keep my front garden tidy in this trash town. I have a dentist appointment next week.

T.S. Eliot said that April was the cruelest month. I get that. Spring comes a little faster where I live, and I’m watching everything bud and stick its head up from the ground. It looks painful. It looks like getting out of bed on a Tuesday.

Monday gets a lot of hate. Personally, I hate Tuesdays. Monday is kind of a blur, but Tuesday is fully conscious and there is no end in sight. It’s not even Wednesday, which is when I tend to tune in before wishing to tune out again by Thursday afternoon.

I wake up in the middle of the night a lot. Then I’m up, sometimes until dawn. No one wants to hear morning birdsong if they’ve been up all night. “Guilt birds” is what we used to call them when I was young and stayed up all night.

Maybe that’s why I can’t get the song Monday Morning by Pulp out of my mind. It’s a frantically addictive marathon of a song that’s fun to the point of pain. And that’s what the song is about. Chasing something to help make it through.

“I want a refund
I want a light
And I want a reason for all this night
After night after night after night, ow!”

And then it launches into a manic “la lala lala la lalala la la la la la ow ow ow! La lala la la…” And so on. I can’t get it out of my head. I want to, but then again I kind of don’t. Hence the addictive part.

Adding to my odd mood has to be my choice in reading material. I’m currently at the breaking point of the Battle of Helm’s Deep in The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers by Tolkien. Helm’s Deep is the first time the main characters have stopped running across an entire country since the book began, and then they have to turn and fight a hundred thousand orcs in the middle of the night. La lala la la lala la la…

The other book I started yesterday and will likely finish today. It’s The Stranger by Camus. That’s the one about a Frenchman in Algiers who murders an Arab on a beach apparently because it was really hot and he had a wine hangover. But that’s everything this guy does. He’s just running from day to day. From his mother’s funeral, to work, to becoming accomplice to domestic violence, agreeing to marry the chick he’s been banging, to standing on that beach shooting a man for no particular reason whatsoever. 

But I am enjoying the books. Both of them. And I’m glad I slept all that time. I didn’t have much of a choice. I guess I was tired. And maybe I needed to be still. Maybe I was trying to push when what I needed to do was stop.

I meditated a lot. Practiced some yoga. And I found a house I like! I’m moving. This town has dragged me down. I’m convinced it’s the lead in the water. If I stay much longer I’ll be showing up at the races dressed as Hercules like Nero. When in Rome, eh?

It’s seven thirty in the morning. I’ve been awake since four. I’m going back to bed. Might meditate first. Might get stuck finishing The Stranger or make it through the night with our heroes at Helm’s Deep. Because we all know who appears with the dawn. Gandalf! And some angry, orc-eating trees (Huorons. Yes, I know. Shut up.)

“Stomach in
Chest out
On your marks
Get set, go!

Now, now that you’re free
What are you goin’ to be?
And who are you goin’ to see?
And where, where will you go?
And how will you know you didn’t get it all wrooong?

Is this the light of a new day dawning?
A future bright that you can walk in?
No it’s just another Monday morning
Do it all over again, oh baby!

Laa la la la la laa
Ala la la la la laa
La la la la la la la
Ah, ah, ah
Laa la la la la laa
La la la la la laa
La la la la la la la
Ah, ah, ah!”

Only it’s Friday morning. I made it.

Namaste, legends. How are you getting through? Did you know that Marines carry ballpoint pens for self-defense? It’s true. I also figured out a plot issue with something I’m writing that had me in a twist. Huzzah! Lalalala

J.Lakis

✌🏻🫠😴🧘🏻❤️‍🩹🤟🏼

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