I Don’t Want to Go Out

david_bowie-Modern Love

Never gonna fall

I want to stay in…get things done.

Bowie understands. As usual. And people who love winter can go do their lumberjack and I’m OK thing. Just leave me be. I don’t want to go out. I’m sick and things aren’t getting done that I want to do. I’ve figured out a few things though.

Firstly, my goal of writing an outline in a week was not attainable. I realized this the other day. Someone asked me what was the best way to refine their writing project. So I gave them the old schpiel. Find a few words that describe the basic themes. Words like Love, Revenge, Ambition, Betrayal, Wonder, Coming of Age — the basic stuff we all get: sex, death and all the stuff in between. Fix a genre with one or two sub-categories (sci-fi action/drama). And explain the plot in one or two sentences (A college-kid must decide whether his Uncle killed his father, and struggles with how to react to that knowledge, while tearing the lives around him apart). It’s Jaws meets Terminator. What have you. Basic stuff.

And then it hit me, that I needed a dose of my own medicine on the writing front. I’ve been looking too carefully at the individual parts and the esoteric stuff that I’d lost perspective on my own story, and I need to go back and do this to my tale again.

So, that’s my new focus for this week. Would i’twere so simple. I just can’t seem to feel well. People want me to do stuff and go outside. And as usual, I’m convinced I have walking pneumonia, and I’m slowly dying. But aside from my hypochondria and feeling less sociable than usual (which is never particularly social), I’m becoming less than pleased.

Last year, I put too much on hold because of “life”– not even my own. That made me feel like a good human being for tic. But when my own health took revenge in a bout of bronchitis, I figured I’d outdid the “others” thing. Then there was the holiday we do not mention. And now I’ve gotten back to work, people still want to do stuff like that’s normal in February because they’re insane and my body is in revolt again.

I think the best thing for me to do is stay in my pajamas until April. Going outside makes me sick. Activity gives me asthma attacks. My sinuses don’t like the dry air. So I’m staying in, getting better and getting some things done for me. I just don’t care about going outside. I don’t care about much that isn’t in my sphere of interests on a good day. So, I’m not over-extending what little brain power I have left. Just let me write and play Battlefront and color and leave me be. Also there’s my violin. Jeez, I have a lot to do. How am I’m supposed to take care of outside stuff. I feed myself and my animals. I walk my dog. What else do you want from me world?!

When the spring comes, I will feel better. Although that’s another bad time for the allergies, but I don’t mind it because it’s nice out. I’ll still find ways to ignore people and stuff. But this is what I’m rocking for now. Don’t believe in modern love or winter.


About JLakis

Jessica Lakis - Writer/screenwriter. Geek & mental health blogger. Conqueror of the Useless. NERD INVICTA! View all posts by JLakis

4 responses to “I Don’t Want to Go Out

  • jenniebraas@comcast.net

    I get you.I am in hibernation. Friends keep saying.”let’s get together.” Other than work, I can’t leave the house. I force myself at times but really do not have any desire to leave. SAD. Think Spring, my friend. A time of rebirth, awakening and finally some bit of happiness and hope. You play the violin? I did not remember that. I played from the time I was 5 until a few years ago when the bones in my hand and Kienbock’s disease took over and I had my hand reconstructed. Now I cannot bend my wrist enough to hold the neck and press the notes. My lifetime with my stringed friend is now final…:(

    Liked by 1 person

    • JLakis

      That’s tragic. I always played the flute, but started the violin later on. When it’s cold and the sun goes down, I just feel I ought to be in my jammies by four o’clock. I also get SAD. And mono, apparently! So now the issue is forced. Just a few more weeks…


  • dickens2016

    Thank you for standing up for all of us winter haters. Why go outside? To see dead trees and brown grass, or ice covered sidewalks and streets. You can’t plan a simple trip to the market in the winter without consulting the weather map. On the bright side, you did help out a fellow writer with your advice and your reward was an insight into gaining perspective on your own writing project. Writing, watching movies, playing the violin and just keeping up with the tasks of everyday living sounds like of lot in indoor activity. So I shall take your advise and enjoy my winter confinement until such time as I can wander outdoors to watch the flowers grow.

    Liked by 1 person

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