One thing ya can’t hide/ when yer a zombie inside.

*The following is rated P, for puns*

AMC is running a Walking Dead marathon (Dead, White & Blue) this weekend in honor of…Independence Day? That’s cool, I guess, keep folks interested between seasons. And if rain cancels your plans to: go to the beach, have a cookout, have a picnic, watch fireworks, rent kayaks, go camping, go fishing, or any other outdoor activity, I suppose that’s a way to spend three days. Just stockpile some Doritos, fresh water and Valium, and nail the doors and windows shut.

Anyhow, zombie cliches aside, I thought I’d take the time to chew over my thoughts on the show; what keeps me hungry for more and what makes me wonder if the writers need some brains!

#1 Awesome, practical creature effects. I adore the Peter Jackson/splatter-film zombie effects on this show. Greg Nicotero and his team do great work bringing the dead to horrifying life on this series. My only nit-pick, do zombies floss? Because those guys can lose half their body, but their gums and teeth would make my angry dentist smile.

#2 Daryl. You are the most slovenly, sweaty, bad-hair day having hick to be ever be so frickin’ kick-ass and sexy: the Legolas of the zombie-apocalypse. Maybe it’s the fact that the writers are not beholden to a story-line in the books that allows this character to be the most developed and nuanced on the entire show.

Which brings me to #3

Rick. Oh, Rick…I wanna love ya buddy. I really do. And, while I know you’re busy with, uh, stuff n’ things, could you maybe change your shirt once in a while? Maybe you could even have a pro-active storyline in which you, say, think ahead, plan, and aren’t haunted by the death of your whore-wife? Those baby-blues and tight jeans can only get you so far, cowboy.

#4 Chain-link fences. Carole tells Rick that she learned how to re-locate a shoulder on the ‘innernet’. That’s nice. While you were on said ‘innernet’, did you ever watch a YouTube video of what a bunch of soccer hooligans can do to a chain-link fence? Even a chain-link fence propped up with two-by-fours?

#5 Pungee sticks. They are sticks that are sharp on one end, just one tech-step below fire in human invention. Stick them in a trench. Tie them together into a hedgehog. Heck, just poke with them! The Viet-Cong foiled American troops in Vietnam with them. The Romans held off hordes of angry Gauls with real swords and arrows with these things. Alexander took over the known world by deciding to make his bigger and longer than anyone else’s (no real surprise there). Neanderthals killed mammoths with them. Check ’em out guys.

#6 Better doctors. This series needs better medical professionals. Dr. Jenner must have held his PhD in custodial science if he couldn’t tell the difference between a virus, a bacteria and a fungus. And, Dr. S., why did you send those people to a college a hundred miles away to get antibiotics for a flu? Herschel knew what to do: drink some tea, get some rest, stab the dead ones in the brain. Just like grandma always said.

#7 The Governor. I love this sick, evil bastard. I love how he strides through hordes of the undead like a rock-star through screaming fan-girls. ‘Yeah, I know y’all want me, but I got someone to torture, baby.’ I love his long, black, collar-flipped coat. I love his fish-tanks. And I love that he killed Andrea.

#8 Carl! You are so not-annoying! You’re cute, awkward, tough yet smart. You are the one kid I’d want by my side apocalypse or no. But you’d have to wear the hat all the time.

#9 Bear McCreary’s score. The subtle hints of Scotch-Irish influenced Appalachian gorgeous over the washed-out landscapes and quiet moments in this series reminds me where this show is set and filmed: in a land that was ravaged by a war with an unstoppable foe bent on bringing it to its knees and making it howl.

#10 Resurrection. I honestly thought zombies were dead, culturally. But every few years someone manages to give new life to the undead. The Walking Dead does that. And while it’s difficult not to compare it to other recent phenom shows like Lost or Breaking Bad, while it may tend to shamble and fall, it always gets back up, and keeps coming, and coming…and I keep coming back.

Now I gotta go lock the door.