Brooklyn is suffering under a searing heat wave in August, when two veterans pull rifles on clerks at a bank. Sonny, the lead burglar, needs money to pay for his trans partner’s gender affirming care. The problem? There’s barely any cash in the vault. When the cops show up, the robbery descends into a hostage situation. As hundreds of heavily armed police surround the building, the media and a mob of angry people push against barricades to cheer or spit on Sonny as he curses and challenges the cops.

In the middle of one of the hottest summers ever, after years of war, a criminal Presidency, riots over police violence against Black folks, and rampant inflation, Sonny becomes the hero/villain focus for all the boiling tensions and divisions in the city and across the country.

Sounds like the news. But this is 1975, and this is the movie Dog Day Afternoon, dir. Sidney Lumet, starring Al Pacino and John Cazale as the would be bank robbers.

Honestly, if we don’t want the US, democracy, and the peace and health of this world spiralling into insanity and destruction, we’re going to need to start stashing away some goodwill, calm, patience and kindness skills now.

And we can start right now, today, this instant, with ourselves. Extend some goodwill and grace to yourself. Stop the worrying. Stop the rehashed arguments in your head, and replaying 3 am regrets. Give yourself a break.

I don’t mean go wild, like Sonny in the film. I do suggest we all take up relaxing hobbies, start taking walks, watching sunsets, and looking for good and joy and beauty wherever we can find it. We must get over ourselves. And whether that looks like a meditation practice, using the medical/recreational, therapy, making new memories, or walking your dog, it does not matter. What matters is that we just drop our existential crises for a minute, and learn to be OK.

The other thing we can do right now is work that kindness muscle out on other people. It seems like everyone forgot how to live in the world with others since the Pandemic and the toxic politics, the riots, shootings, people freaking out on airplanes or at a showing of the Barbie movie.

And it’s real simple too. Let me give you an example from my life. Yesterday I had a cold, and I was hot and bleh as I walked my dog back to the house. Well, a lady slowed her car down and said something like “Look at how she waits for you! That’s a good girl!” And at first I thought, “Waits for me? Like am I not walking her right? I’m sick. Gimme a break.” But two steps later, I made a choice. To take what she had said at face value. She was complimenting my dog! Bam. Done. Bad mood gone. And all it took was half a second and decision.

We all need to do this as much as possible. Not take offence. Even if you can stretch your mind to find the comment or action neutral, that’s better than raging in public, private, online and off all day every day.

Of course, there are actual jerks out there, but if I learned a thing from my parents, it was that most of the time they just nodded and said bland things like “Uh-huh.” “Ya don’t say?” “Wow.” And sometimes a well timed, “What makes you say/think that?” It worked on me.

And obviously we’re going to need to develop the courage and strength to protect ourselves and others from rage, bigotry, and the rest of our new favorite pastimes. But you know what works really well? Walking away. Or walking away with the person being targeted. Or at least giving the hater your back. Leaving the room. Hanging up the phone. Maybe with a “I said I wasn’t going to discuss that anymore.” They keep discussing? Click. Blocking some numbers and social media for some. He who fights and runs away lives to fight another day. And avoids jail or court fines.

Of course there are times to stand up to bullies, to use your voice, to set limits and boundaries. But save that up for when it matters. Don’t waste it on the internet people who live in your phone.

Angry people are usually afraid and/or sad people. And since there’s probably no shortage of these in anyone’s friend or family circles, practice on them. Someone makes a cruel remark after a bad day? “Wow. I know you had a bad day, but that was uncalled for.” “I don’t use that word.” “We don’t do that in this house.” Etc.

One other thing, that’s just peopling 101, basic Dale Carnegie stuff. Remembering people’s names. Giving someone a neutral compliment like, “That’s a nice sweater.” Saying people’s names. And asking questions. Nothing folks love more than hearing their own name and talking about themselves.

Stop emotional bean counting. Someone doesn’t return your calls? Oh well. Maybe they’re going through a thing. If you know someone is unreliable, quit asking them for favors and getting ticked when they flake out on you. I mean this is actually really easy stuff. Just shake it off and get back to your life.

Oh yeah, and do have a life. I suggested some ideas above, but getting out and about, making plans big or small, staying off your phone, binging Netflix, finally getting around to watching That Long Important Movie you’ve been putting off. Read a book. Do a crossword. Call your grandmom. Seriously. You can do this, I swear. And it probably won’t even kill you.

Anyhow, call it grace, civility, kindness, calm, patience, doesn’t matter. But whatever you do decide to call what you want to cultivate, aim for OK. Just being OK seems like a major improvement sometimes. Make it easy to be OK. And for others to be OK. And be OK around you. And just rest in the calm of having done and being enough. Maybe help your Vet buddy start a Gofundme for his trans partner, so he doesn’t commit armed robbery. Or put some necessities in the local “Blessings Box.” Help others be OK.

And don’t forget to ask for help if you’re really not OK. With all the good karma you’ve put in the bank, you can now make a withdrawal, no stick ups necessary.

Namasté you OK legends!

– JL ✌🏼❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜🤎🖤🤍🧑🏻‍🎤

If you or anyone you know is experiencing domestic/sexual violence please contact RAIIN by phone or chat.

If you’re considering suicide, self harm, or have a mental health crisis: call or text 988 any time to talk or text with someone from the National Suicide Prevention and Crisis Hotline. Help is always available in English or Spanish.

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