Tag Archives: Star Wars

Jess Kicks Her Own Ass Pt. 1.4


Me taking out the trash, but Star Wars.

Tales of Snow and Star Wars

Posting a rough draft was helpful. Not only did I appreciate the feedback, I also see more of what I need to change/expand upon. We’ll do that again someday. But it is not this day!  No, today is a day to be lectured by Russians that I am “pussy” for mild anxiety regarding blizzards. Today is a day to only shave one of one’s legs in the shower. Today is a day to still be wearing the same fleecy leggings I’ve had on for more than a couple of days. A day for losing one’s vape saber repeatedly. For apologizing to my dog for jipping her on her walk. (Are we allowed to say “jipp”? Screw it, I typed “pussy” already.)

Yes indeed folks. But you know, I like snow storms once in a while. Like a nice rainy day. Do some major faffing about. Although it’d be better if Force Awakens were on Blu-ray. (*Talk to Russian friend about that.) I’ve done everything I can to replace the deep hole within me without Force Awakens on tap. The Extended Editions of LOTR AND The Hobbit movies (commentary tracks and special features),  Wes Anderson, Kubrick, TNG, new Sherlock, starting re-watching the first part of this season’s Walking Dead, Lawrence of Arabia, started a Civ, colored, started Moby Dick again . . . Yeah, I’m dying over here!

Well, I can still think about Star Wars all the time, mostly. I’ve realized that the magic of movies has tricked me into empathizing with a character that is already a school-shooter in a galaxy that rewards school-shooters with positions of great power by the time we first meet him in Force Awakens. Kylo Ren is the Trenchcoat Mafia love child of a three-way between Dexter, Buffalo Bill and Napoleon Dynamite. Damn it! I still really like that character. But I also was still on Walter White’s side until the very end.  And Buffalo Bill is cool, of course. He’s just misunderstood.

I don’t feel bad that I’ve spent all my movie-going allowance (and some gift cards from the day we don’t mention) on seeing Star Wars, when there are a lot of fantastic movies out right now. It’s honestly Tarantino’s fault for scheduling the release of The Hateful Eight on the same weekend as a new Star Wars film. And maybe I’ll wait until spring to watch The Revenant. And again, that’s just on them. There are other movies with Tom Hardy that I can watch right now if I need to (may need to). Obviously I’m just going to keep seeing Star Wars into the cheap theater until it comes out on Blu-ray.

Frankly, I don’t give a damn whether I’m obsessing. That movie made me happy. And (until five seconds ago) Episode VIII comes out on my birthday, so this is apparently all about me anyway. You know what else made me happy? The Beatles on Spotify. I didn’t listen to any music from the day we don’t mention last year! Not when I can do Abbey Road on my surround sound. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah…and a hair-tossing “woooooh!” Anyway, I don’t think of it as “obsessing”. I think of it as “focus”. I’m extremely focused.

Yeah so anyway, what are you all planning to do during the storm? I think I’m going to play Civ V for three days. I have a lot of those little soups that come in boxes. I’ll just drink them from a straw. Oh yeah, and should I just stop putting quotes around my Morrissey references? I don’t attribute Star Wars quotes. But then people don’t know Morrissey as well as some focused folks. I think I’ll just leave them alone and either A) people will get it or B) people will think I have a wickedly morbid wit. I’ll take that.

May the Force shovel you sidewalk.

I don’t like the digital skips between tracks on Abbey Road though. It’s the same with Dark Side. It’s a tease when radio stations play just one track off Dark Side. You just want to hear the next song on Dark Side then. It doesn’t matter what they play next. It sucks.





Jess Kicks Her Own Ass Pt 1

Help me finish what I started, burnt husk of a mask.

Help me finish what I started, burnt husk of a mask.


Sometimes my self-loathing has consequences for the good. I mean, appeals to my vanity always work. People who say that you should: eat healthy, exercise, or just like take a shower and make your bed because it makes you feel better and not because it’ll make you look better just don’t get me. However, that’s not why I’m hating me now. I’m hating me now because I’ve been so neglectful of my writing that I feel as though I should just resign myself to a life of cleaning up after my animals and my boyfriend (redundant). Ew and like cooking stuff to eat. Yeah, but see now I’ve got a plan to turn that all around. All thanks to my unfailing ability to disappoint myself. I’m going to write 500 words at least on this blog every day, except Saturdays, for two weeks. Not rollin’ on Shabbas.

That’s just the part of the plan. I have other things going on as well, and I will up my game as I go. But this is the goal 1.1 subsection A for now. And I’m going to post this brain drivel on my blog so there’s some sort of accountability to like my thousands of followers, I guess? Whatever. That’s what I’m doing.

So, did anybody see that Star Wars movie? I saw it for the third time this past Friday. It gets better with every view. It’s got a sort of old-school, ET or Close Encounters era Spielberg thing going on. Magical, full of wonder…just an old-fashioned kind of fun movie like you would’ve gone to see on like a Saturday or after school as a kid. I cannot quarrel with or nit-pick this film at all. It’s just too much fun.

I know some folks are nit-picking it, but I just finished rewatching the LOTR Extended Editions — because I can’t watch Force Awakens every day at home yet — and remember the quibbles for those films? Where’s Tom Bombadil? Why is Frodo so young? Why is Arwen’s part bigger? Yeah, see you didn’t remember until I just brought that up because no one cares anymore. Just as no one will be whining that Rey beat Kylo in a saber battle in the future when all is well.  Like Jackson’s Lord of the Rings, all that will be left is just a glorious cinematic legacy to be enjoyed forever. Or until the zombie apocalypse.

Which is another thing I want to happen: I mean the return of The Walking Dead. Winter is bleak enough without having to stumble through without being able to enjoy watching folks suffer and die amid the flesh-eating undead. Besides, this whole season has been a giant cliff-hanger, and I need some resolution. My money is on Carol’s little psychopath in training blowing the whole “we’re totally zombies” cover. No more cookies for you little freak. The monsters are going to come and eat you up and no one will be able to hear you or help you.

Well, there see, I done did it. I could totally take this momentum now and go work on something else, but it’s snowing and maybe I’ll just play Fallout. I don’t know. I’m not even editing this. Because I’m not worth it yet. I still hate me. But gettin’ bettah all the time…


PS – is anyone else experiencing lag and glitches on the Xbox One? Is that all the people who got one for Christmas taking up all the “shared processing”? Noobs. 

Star Wars: The Force Awakens: a Personal Review (No Spoilers)



Somewhere, deep down in a locked and staunchly protected room in my heart, lay my sincerest hopes for how Star Wars: The Force Awakens would make me feel. I grew up on the original films. In many ways they substituted for religion in my household. My Dad and older brother showed me the first two (on Betamax). My sister and I were old enough to go to the theater for Jedi, and we spent many childhood hours playing Luke and Leia with our white lab Obi-wan in the yard.

I never got into the “expanded universe.” In film school I learned about Joseph Campbell, lending the old films of my youth new credibility and significance. But by the time the prequels came out, I was watching Fellini and Bergman and The Sopranos. And The Lord of the Rings outshone the dottering old empire.

That’s not to say I didn’t still love Star Wars. Far from it. I bought all of the successively worse “Special Editions”. And I still watched the original trilogy whenever it was on TV. And, like all fans, I quote the films regularly.

My reinvestment in Star Wars really began with the cathartic Red Letter Media reviews of the prequels. And, soon after, the news of Disney’s purchase of Lucasfilms was announced.

As a grown-up, managing expectations became a priority in all areas of my life. I certainly loved JJ Abrams. I devoured every episode of Lost. His second Star Trek was disappointing. But, given my knowledge of Lost and his 2009 Trek, he felt right at the helm of the new generation of Star Wars.

Yet, still, beneath my growing anticipation for the new film, I buried my secret hope for it. I didn’t much care about an expanded universe, or what new Star Warsy things I’d learn. I just wanted to feel that joy. I wanted to know if it were possible. I wanted to feel like a kid again.

Secretly, I pinned Fox Mulder’s poster up in my heart: “I want to believe.”

Star Wars: The Force Awakens delivered and more. It was better than I allowed for even in my most hidden hopes. And laughing and crying and cheering with that audience was the best I’ve felt in a long time. I feel connected to my fellow human beings in a ring of pure, undiluted bliss.

I’m not going to nit-pick the plot. Everything I wanted, and needed, was there: the wonderful characters, the banter, the thrills, the family drama and friendships, the Force…but most importantly…the fun.

Isn’t that why we all loved Star Wars to begin with? It’s not because they’re the best films ever made, or the greatest works of art, or the deepest explorations of the human heart and psyche. Star Wars began as George Lucas’ homage to the serials and movies that made up his childhood. His creations made up my childhood. Star Wars is about wonder, the wonder of seeing the world as a child. Star Wars isn’t about reserved, measured grown-up sensibilities. Star Wars is for children of all ages.

So I have to thank Disney, Abrams, the cast, Kasdan, the gaffer, the caterers, the sanitation troopers (hey Finn!)…you all gave me a gift that was better than this weary soul had allowed itself to hope for. I feel just like a kid again. I can’t wait to see it a bazillion times…and buy the toys!

And, without reservation, it is my pure pleasure to wish:

May the Force be with you…always

I know you were watching too Dad. 🙂

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